LXXXIX.
Wallflowers.
Dear Madam--I am a girl of twenty-five years
of age,
fairly educated, and said by many to be pleasing in appear-
ance. But sometimes I feel very unhappy, as I have
no
male friends, and seem to have no power to attract them,
although I try to be agreeable and pleasant. You
will relieve
me greatly by giving me a little advice.
AGNES A.
I am afraid that this young woman is quite out-
side the pale of my influence. There must be
something abnormally wrong with a good-looking
girl of twenty-five, who has no male friends and
who does not know how to win them.
Perhaps she thinks too much about them.
Perhaps she shows her wish to attract him too
clearly. A man never likes to know he is being
sought. He likes to think he is the pursuer. When
he approaches a woman, he wants to be amused,
entertained, and led to talk.
Possibly this young woman talks too much, and
always of herself.
Possibly she does not talk enough, and compels
her callers to think up new subjects of conversation
until they feel brain-fag after they have been in her
company.
Possibly she is one of those unfortunate beings
who possess no personal magnetism, and who saps
the vitality of those whom she encounters.
In that case, I would recommend a great deal of
outdoor life and exercise, cold baths and a diet
which will make iron in the system. In these days,
men like girls who radiate health. They like girls
who seem to be happy and optimistic, and who
send them from their presence with renewed hope
and confidence in themselves and in life.
I have carefully studied several young and
mature women who have been particularly attract-
ive to men, and who held those whom they
attracted. Almost without exception I found these
women to be possessed of strongly sympathetic
natures, or of a tact which passed for the same
thing. They interested themselves in the matters
nearest to the heart of the man with whom they
were thrown, and if they were ignorant on subjects
of special import to this man, they were delicately
inquisitive, and gave him the satisfaction of impart-
ing information to an attentive listener.
Personal interest and sympathy are great powers
in winning friends of either sex. It is both human
and divine to love to be an object of solicitude.
The Creator is not above craving love and devo-
tion, and we cannot wonder if His children desire
sympathy and affection.
Meantime, in dealing with men, a woman must
not forget her dignity and self-respect. She must
not seem to be fawning and cringing, and she must
not make a visible effort to be popular.
To think about other people when in their pres-
ence, and to obliterate self for the time being, are
about all that is needed for a bright and wholesome
girl to become popular.
Every-day thoughts in prose and verse. by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Chicago: W. B. Conkey Company, 1901.
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